The memory of this story was catalyzed by a LinkedIn Post by a colleague who talked about her experience of the power of personal integrity as a facilitator in choosing work.

Many years ago, after a successful facilitation with a business leaders’ organization, I was asked by a VP of a major national company to facilitate a retreat for their sales managers, a big opportunity for me.  About 30 sales managers were brought from all over the country to the day-long event, which would include an evaluation of the past year and planning for the next year.

I was warned by the VP that the CEO of the company was unpredictable, so I suggested that he just give an opening welcome and then when he left the room I would do a focused conversation on his talk with the group before we moved on to the evaluation and planning.

The CEO began his “welcome” with a tirade about how the year was a disaster, that each of them was a disaster, and that they would have a new senior manager the next week, “which would not be any of you, because you do not deserve it”.  Then he did not leave the room. 

Clearly my planned conversation was not going to work, so I called a quick break.  The VP came up to me and asked, “Would you like me to talk with Charlie to make him be more positive when he comes back at the end of the day?” I asked, “Can you do that?”  He said, “It’s part of my job description, to manage him.”  I said “Yes, please do!” He and Charlie left the room at that point.

So we started the participatory evaluation of the year, using the Journey Wall/Historical Scan process. The events and accomplishments on the wall showed that they had sold more products that year than ever before, and that income for the company was higher than ever before. However, at the end of the Journey Wall, when they named the year, they named it “Disaster”.  I was astounded, and took off my facilitator hat to ask why after all the documented success, they named it a disaster.  The answer: “Well, Charlie said it was a disaster, so it was.”

I took a deep breath and started the next step of the strategic thinking/planning process.  This amazing group articulated a vision, discerned underlying obstacles, and came up with creative strategies, all before 4 in the afternoon – a process that usually takes at least a day and a half. 

Charlie came back in the room at the end of the day and his idea of being positive was to say to the group, “Well, this strategy might work, this one’s maybe ok, but this one will never work!”

After finishing and cleaning up, I was leaving and found myself alone in the elevator with Charlie and the VP.  I had been coming down with a serious flu during the day, and by this time I had a high fever and had lost much of my inhibition. I said to Charlie, “I have learned that what you tell people about them they will do their best to live up to. If you tell them they are a disaster, they will do their best to be a disaster for you.  If you tell them honestly what they do well, they will work even harder to do those things well for you.”  

As I walked out of the elevator, I knew that I would never do any more work for that company. Partly because I had told off the CEO and that of course is taboo, but mostly because I will not work for or support anyone or any organization who does not respect people.